Sad Tidings
Nov. 16th, 2019 05:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tehkusogakiTerribly sorry, but it looks like the first post I will be making here is a rather sad one.
It has been a tumultuous and difficult past several years, filled with job changes, other changes, losses, tragedies, trials, and difficulties.
But through it all, there was always one reason to keep on going. Something to hold on to. Give me hope. Purpose.
But last Thursday, November 14, 2019, I lost my very best friend. My soulmate. The most trustworthy companion I've ever known.
My mare, Sage.
She seemed fine on Monday, a little lazy, but she's an old mare, so I didn't think anything of it or push her too hard. We actually had a good day. The trainer at the barn I'm at was occupying EVERY AVAILABLE TURNOUT so I took her for a walk in the field across from the barn. It was a nice day, and she enjoyed eating the occasional weed. When we got back the turnout paddock was free, so I let her out with her brother, Sasquatch, aka "Squish". Then I brushed her out and we went for a little bareback ride. Someone had their horse turned out in the outside arena, so I was stuck riding in the small and crowded indoor, but when they finally moved their horse me and Sage rode out in the moonlight.
On Tuesday, I didn't have much time at barn-- just enough to give her and her brother pats and cookies.
On Wednesday I got a message from the trainer that she wasn't acting herself. Hadn't cleaned up her breakfast, and seemed to be an increased respiratory effort along with a tightening of her abdominal muscles. I rushed out to the barn as soon as I could and after seeing her, immediately called the vet.
I suspected a simple colic, thought she'd be fine after a gastric lavage, meds, and fluids, but the vet was concerned because she also presented with a fever, an arrhythmia, and her lungs sounded abnormal. I had her run bloodwork and found out she was very dehydrated, and her inflammatory proteins were high. So I made the decision to have her hospitalized overnight. She was given IV fluids, and IV antibiotics in the hopes that it would help fight off what looked like a case of pneumonia.
Unfortunately she did not respond well. Despite fluid therapy, her pcv continued to climb. Ultrasound revealed that the fluid was building up around her heart and lungs. They suspected the primary cause was likely cancer.
I got down there as fast as I could to say my goodbyes.
I loved her. I loved her so much.
She saved my life.
There have been so many times I have been so depressed that I just didn't want to do anything anymore.
But I pushed through.
Because she needed me.
Because no matter much my life was in the toilet, she would nicker at me the second she saw me and I had a reason to keep going.
I miss her.
I miss our trail rides.
I miss riding bareback.
I miss the way she'd sniff my pockets hoping for cookies.
I miss watching her buck, and kick, and play, and roll (preferably in the mud) during turnout.
I miss the understanding we had of each other. We didn't communicate through words, but through feel. When I rode her we were so in tune, she was ready to give me what I asked for before I asked it, and she always gave me her best.
She was so gentle sweet. I could trust her with my life.
One of my favorite things was to hop on her tackless and just ride. No saddle between us. No reins to 'force' a command. Nothing but trust and patience.
These last few years I hadn't been riding her as hard. She's had some feet and soundness issues that kept me from jumping her like we used to. But I was content just to walk her out to the field to let her munch on some grass while I quietly watched her.
How do I go on?
My heart is broken.
I don't think I will ever know a horse quite like her
It has been a tumultuous and difficult past several years, filled with job changes, other changes, losses, tragedies, trials, and difficulties.
But through it all, there was always one reason to keep on going. Something to hold on to. Give me hope. Purpose.
But last Thursday, November 14, 2019, I lost my very best friend. My soulmate. The most trustworthy companion I've ever known.
My mare, Sage.
She seemed fine on Monday, a little lazy, but she's an old mare, so I didn't think anything of it or push her too hard. We actually had a good day. The trainer at the barn I'm at was occupying EVERY AVAILABLE TURNOUT so I took her for a walk in the field across from the barn. It was a nice day, and she enjoyed eating the occasional weed. When we got back the turnout paddock was free, so I let her out with her brother, Sasquatch, aka "Squish". Then I brushed her out and we went for a little bareback ride. Someone had their horse turned out in the outside arena, so I was stuck riding in the small and crowded indoor, but when they finally moved their horse me and Sage rode out in the moonlight.
On Tuesday, I didn't have much time at barn-- just enough to give her and her brother pats and cookies.
On Wednesday I got a message from the trainer that she wasn't acting herself. Hadn't cleaned up her breakfast, and seemed to be an increased respiratory effort along with a tightening of her abdominal muscles. I rushed out to the barn as soon as I could and after seeing her, immediately called the vet.
I suspected a simple colic, thought she'd be fine after a gastric lavage, meds, and fluids, but the vet was concerned because she also presented with a fever, an arrhythmia, and her lungs sounded abnormal. I had her run bloodwork and found out she was very dehydrated, and her inflammatory proteins were high. So I made the decision to have her hospitalized overnight. She was given IV fluids, and IV antibiotics in the hopes that it would help fight off what looked like a case of pneumonia.
Unfortunately she did not respond well. Despite fluid therapy, her pcv continued to climb. Ultrasound revealed that the fluid was building up around her heart and lungs. They suspected the primary cause was likely cancer.
I got down there as fast as I could to say my goodbyes.
I loved her. I loved her so much.
She saved my life.
There have been so many times I have been so depressed that I just didn't want to do anything anymore.
But I pushed through.
Because she needed me.
Because no matter much my life was in the toilet, she would nicker at me the second she saw me and I had a reason to keep going.
I miss her.
I miss our trail rides.
I miss riding bareback.
I miss the way she'd sniff my pockets hoping for cookies.
I miss watching her buck, and kick, and play, and roll (preferably in the mud) during turnout.
I miss the understanding we had of each other. We didn't communicate through words, but through feel. When I rode her we were so in tune, she was ready to give me what I asked for before I asked it, and she always gave me her best.
She was so gentle sweet. I could trust her with my life.
One of my favorite things was to hop on her tackless and just ride. No saddle between us. No reins to 'force' a command. Nothing but trust and patience.
These last few years I hadn't been riding her as hard. She's had some feet and soundness issues that kept me from jumping her like we used to. But I was content just to walk her out to the field to let her munch on some grass while I quietly watched her.
How do I go on?
My heart is broken.
I don't think I will ever know a horse quite like her
no subject
Date: 2019-11-22 11:46 am (UTC)I think you have my email if you want to catch me up on what else has been going on.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-25 01:17 am (UTC)It is good to hear from you.
I would love to get you all caught up-- if I can find the spoons and figure out where to start-- I've missed our conversations.
Speaking of, I don't think seen an update from you for a while, I hope you're doing well.
Take care, and thank you for your condolences.